Handling aggression in autistic children can feel incredibly overwhelming and isolating. You might find yourself in tears, questioning every parenting decision you’ve ever made, and wondering if you’ll ever get through to your child. While your child’s aggressive tendencies can be disruptive and upsetting, understanding the root of these behaviors and implementing strategies to manage and de-escalate these situations can make a world of difference for both you and your child.
Fortunately for you, I’ve been on this journey for 11 years. I’ve cried more tears than I care to count. And, I’ve screamed into many pillows. Rest assured, as isolated as you might feel, you are not alone.
So, keep reading, and let’s dive into some coping mechanisms that may help you and your family navigate your child’s aggressive behaviors.
Understanding the Triggers
Before diving into potential solutions, it’s essential to identify what triggers your child’s aggression. These triggers often stem from frustration, sensory overload, or a need for control. Keep a journal of when and where the aggressive behaviors occur. Note what happened before the outburst, how your child reacted, and other relevant details. Over time, patterns will start to emerge. You will start to see common ties amongst aggressive outbursts. Being able to identify potential triggers and knowing under what circumstances these outbursts are likely to occur is key to learning to anticipate and mitigate future incidents.
Disclaimer: The content of this article is for educational purpose only and should not be taken as medical advice. Please discuss details pertaining to your child with your physician.
Pro Tip: I use a notes app on my phone because it is extremely convenient to make notes on things as soon as they happen. Highly recommend this if you don’t see yourself keeping an actual notebook handy. BONUS: These notes will come in super handy during doctor’s appointments and school meetings.
Effective Communication Strategies For Autistic Children
A very large portion of the time, a struggle with communication causes aggressive behavior. So, helping your child find an effective way to communicate will very likely make a difference.
I know, I know, easier said than done. My son is 11 and still doesn’t have a solid means of communication. But, let’s look at some options anyway.
Visual Aids and Sign Language
When it comes to nonverbal children and those with limited speech, traditional communication methods just aren’t effective. Introducing visual aids, such as picture cards or communication boards, can help your child express their needs and feelings without resorting to aggression. Seeing clear representations of things they use, enjoy, and need will help them convey their thoughts more effectively.
In addition to visual communication aids, sign language can also be a powerful tool, providing a bridge between your child’s thoughts and their ability to communicate them.
Something to Consider:
If your child tends to respond positively to technology and screens, there are numerous applications that can be installed on an Ipad or tablet. Alternately, if you prefer something standalone, simplified communication devices can be purchased from various places online. My son, for example, has an iPad with a communication app on it that is supplied by his school. Normally, local organizations, schools, and sometimes even insurance will help pay for this. So, don’t panic if you go looking at the prices of iPads and communication apps. Financial assistance is an option.
Consistent Routines For Your Autistic Child
Children on the spectrum often thrive on routine and predictability. Establishing a consistent daily schedule can reduce anxiety and frustration. Variations to their normal schedule, interruptions and unexpected changes are common triggers for aggression in autistic children. Make sure your child knows what to expect throughout the day. Prepare them for any changes in advance whenever possible.
Change is unavoidable. Just try not to introduce your child to too much change at one time. Is there a chance that you might have to leave the park early if Grandma needs someone to drive her to the doctor? Let your child know what the plan but also let them know that XYZ is a possibility so, if the change occurs, they may not panic.
Creating A Calm Environment For Your Autistic Child
Sensory-Friendly Spaces
Children with autism can be highly sensitive to their environments. Loud noises, bright lights, and even certain textures can be overwhelming. Creating a sensory-friendly space in your home can provide a safe retreat for your child when they are overstimulated. Personalize this space with items that bring your child joy and that calms them. This might look different for every child but a safe-sensory space might include soft lighting, noise-canceling headphones, weighted blankets, favorite stuffed animals, etc.
In my personal situation, we don’t have tons of extra space to give my son a sensory room. So, we put all of these things in his bedroom. For my son, his room is his preferred safe space. He will shut his door, and hide under his weighted blankets with his lights off when he’s feeling overwhelmed. He also has a crash pad and a small trampoline in there if he needs them.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques 
Teaching your child simple relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation, can be very effective. These methods can help your child regain control over their emotions and reduce the likelihood of aggressive outbursts.
Positive Reinforcement and Behavioral Strategies For Dealing with Aggression in Autistic Children
Reward Systems
Positive reinforcement can encourage your child to express their needs in healthier ways. Create a reward system that acknowledges and rewards non-aggressive communication. This could be as simple as a sticker chart, where your child earns a reward after collecting a certain number of stickers for using their words or other positive behaviors.
Professional Behavioral Therapy
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, managing aggression in autistic children can require professional intervention. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy is a well-regarded method that uses positive reinforcement to improve social, communication, and learning skills while reducing problematic behaviors. Working with a therapist can provide tailored strategies that suit your child’s unique needs.
Yes, ABA has a bit of a bad reputation. I firmly believe the key to success is finding an ABA center that works for you. Try joining local Facebook groups for parents with autism and asking the parents for recommendations of ABA centers in your area.
Self-Care for Parents
Here’s the thing mama, dealing with aggression in autistic children is hard. But, you can’t forget to take care of yourself. At the end of the day, you cannot meet the needs of your child if you can barely function as a human
.
Seeking Support
Being the target of your child’s aggression can be emotionally taxing. It’s crucial to seek support for yourself as well. Connect with other parents who understand what you’re going through, either through local support groups or online communities. Sharing your experiences and hearing from others can provide comfort and practical advice. Talk to someone, anyone.
Professional Help
Don’t hesitate to seek counseling for yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed. A mental health professional can offer strategies for coping with stress, managing emotions, and maintaining your mental health.
Building a Support Network
Involving Family Members: Ensure that other family members understand the dynamics of your child’s behavior and how to support both of you. Educating siblings, grandparents, and even close friends about autism and the reasons behind the aggression can foster a more supportive and understanding environment.
School and Community Resources: Work closely with your child’s school to ensure they have the support they need in the classroom. Many schools have resources and staff trained to assist children with autism. Don’t be afraid to advocate for your child’s needs and request necessary accommodations.
Empathy and Patience
Understanding that your child’s aggression is not a personal attack, but a manifestation of their struggles can shift your perspective. Remind yourself that this behavior is a form of communication. Your empathy and patience are vital in helping your child navigate their world.
Celebrating Small Victories
Progress may be slow, and setbacks are inevitable. So, it’s essential to celebrate every small victory. Whether it’s a day without an outburst, successfully using a new communication tool, or even just a moment of calm, acknowledge these achievements. These milestones are stepping stones on your journey.
Final Thoughts
The journey with an autistic child can be filled with unique challenges, but it is also filled with profound love and moments of joy.
Remember, you are not alone, mama.
With patience, persistence, and the right support, you and your child can find ways to communicate and connect that reduce frustration and foster understanding. Keep advocating for your child and caring for yourself along the way. Together, you’ll navigate this path with resilience and love.
